Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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