either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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