i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
