My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
