What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
