remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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