I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
