I puked a lego.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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