She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
