the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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