Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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