No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
