don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
