my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
