too bad you live with your parents still
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
