you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
