My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
