too bad you live with your parents still
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
