piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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