He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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