we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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