I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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