So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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