Sry I called you an 8
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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