i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
