is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
