I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
