And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
