You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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