she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
