So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
