When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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