a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
