Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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