He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
