I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize