I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize