playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
