I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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