I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
