Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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