I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
