I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
