My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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