My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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