I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
