omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
