I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
