I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my liver is dry heaving
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
