the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
