yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
