Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.