Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together