**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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