I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...