there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
