Ambien. No doubt about it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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