I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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