Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
