I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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