How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
