He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
