You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He shit in the fireplace
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize