I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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