ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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