they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
